This past week all had been going good. I was 25 weeks on Tuesday and Billy and I were getting a little more less nervous and confident in not delivering within the next 3 months. We had our 25 week appointment and our son couldnt be any healthier! He is growing a lot and moving just as much. It was cute, the sonographer was trying to get him to move his head so she could get an accurate measurement for my cervix. Lately, he has been laying right on my cervix, so it has been a challenge getting him to move away from it. Well the sonographer starting poking my belly to try and get him to move... 3 did not like that and as soon as she moved her hand he took one big pucbh/kick! It was funny!
I feel him moving ALL of the time! I love it!
My cervix was measuring between a 3.55-3.8cm at 25 weeks, which is shorter than usual, but well within a comfortable length. Usually they like a cervix to be within 3-5cm. So yes, it did shorten, but we were ok with that bc we knew the last time it shortened it went back up in length a week later.
well Saturday was a big game for the Bulls and was also a friend of ours wedding. Billy told me that morning he didnt feel comfortable with me going to both and that he just had a bad feeling. I knew how much he wanted to go to the game, and since I would be sitting the entire time, I honestly thought I would be fine.
We went to the game and I had absolutley no complications. We sat with some friends and 3 was just kicking away. I was telling our friend Joe to watch my belly bc he would be able to see 3 moving, he didnt believe it and all of a sudden 3 did one Large movement and my entire stomach moved. The expression on Joe's face was priceless!!
After the game we changed and went straight to the wedding. At around 7 I started to have a sharp pain in my side. It was REALLY uncomfortable. I told Billy we needed to leave right away bc I needed to lay down and call my Dr. And so it started, "I told you I didnt have a good feeling about today..."
I called Dr P and he suggested I take 2 Tylenol and lay down. He said the pain sounded like round ligament pain. Of course, if you know me at all, you know that I refuse to take any type of medicine while being pregnant. I just worry about the potential side effects on my child later on in life. I layed down and started to Google round ligament pain. Most of what I read said it would feel like what I felt, however said it starts in the groin up to the top of my hip. I had no pain in my groin, just in that one spot. Another thing it said was that the pain should last no longer than a few seconds. My pain was constant. It hurt to breath, hurt to touch, hurt to move.
I called Dr P and told him I had a bad feeling and just felt like I needed to be seen. I told him we were on our way to the hospital. He said he would meet me there and he would call to let them know i was coming.
Pulling up to that same hospital in an emergency situation was HORRIBLE. Billy was having flashbacks from that day with Taylor and Riley, i was too. I walked in to the hospital the same way, cramping, hunched over. The security guard put me in the wheelchair and we took off to the 3rd floor. I felt so bad for my husband. He was so nervous, and I was too.. but inside I had a feeling all would be ok.
I went in and they hooked me up to the monitors. I asked if I had any contractions and the nurse said "Yes". Then another nurse came in with a cart and an IV bag. I asked what that was for and she told me it was bc I was contracting. She turned the monitor so I could see and I was having a TON of contractions... Large contractions... I am not supposed to have more than 4-6 contractions an hour-- I was having 4-6 every 10-15 minutes. Right then my eyes filled up with tears and I lost it. I was so scared. My husband just kept talking to me, he kept saying it would all be ok, but neither one of us knew that for sure.
My doctor came in about the same time as the sonographer. They elevated my cervix and my cervical length was longer than it ever had been, 5cm! That meant I was not in labor!!!!! However, they needed to slow my contractions so it didnt change my cervix and put me into labor.
I was told Id be staying over night to monitor me and give me more IVs. It appeared I was just way dehydrated.
Before I knew it, my room was filled!! My parents came, Billys boss came, Joel and Ashley came.. and many more people were calling to see if they should come. I had no idea how anyone, other than my parents and Billys, even knew I was there. I guess Billy had texted them. Billy's parents were on stand-by in case they needed to be on a plane! Thankfully, it didnt come down to that.
After 2 bags of IVs my contractions slowed, and then eventually stopped.
Billy went home while my parents stayed with me so he could get me my girls toys. He knew I needed them. Theres no way I would have been able to sleep a night without my girls toys. I hadnt slept without them since their birth.
The next morning I still had a few contractions, but not as large and not as many.
Dr P came in and said that all looked good, that I just needed to take it easy. He said I will more than likely have more contractions, and the further along I get the more I will have, but as long as I dont have any cervical change I would be ok.
I have been placed on bed rest until I see him again. My appt is tomorrow. Hopefully all will go well.
Ive been home all day, and my husband has been taking awesome care of me!! Im so thankful to have him.
My dr is pretty optimistic that I will not be going in to labor anytime soon, and he thinks I will go full term, so praying for that!!
Monday, November 22, 2010
Saturday, November 13, 2010
November 12, 2010
New Update!! FINALLY!!
I'll begin my update on Baby Billy aka 3!!
Billy and I have continued to go to our weekly doctor appointments and so far everything is looking good! I have been having quite the discomfort lately in my pelvic area, but my doctor said its just because everything is changing and my ligaments are stretching. Needless to say it HURTS!! and now I waddle like a duck when i walk bc it hurts!
We are still certain its a boy!! we get "the shot" every time we do an ultrasound. A few weeks ago the only pictures the sonographer gave us was one of his foot (So freaking cute) and one of his "boyness". haha.
I went to the doctor on Wednesday 11/10 and they took his measurements. My baby boy is weighing in at 1 pound 9 ounces! Billy and I had a bet going while we were waiting to see the doctor. His first guess was 2 pounds and his second was over 1pound 5 ounces. My guess was way lower, I was thinking he'd weigh about 1 pound 2-3ounces. Well, I was off!! I was thinking about Taylor and Riley. Taylor was 1 pound at almost 22 weeks and Riley was 12 ounces. So i just figured 3 was 2 weeks further than that so he would be measuring close to my girls measurements... guess daddy was closer!
The previous 2 weeks I was gaining about 3 pounds a WEEK!!! I thought that was quite a bit, but my doctor assured me it was normal and I was on target for my final weight gain, about 35 pounds. Well, this week I weighed a pound less. I was a little taken back that i gained 3 pounds 2 weeks in a row and then all of a sudden I lost a pound?! Oh well, Dr P still said it was fine. Ive gained about 15lbs total so far. My tummy sure is growing!
I have been such a slacker in posting pictures, so I will have to get on top of that soon!
At this weeks appointment the sonographer got an awesome side profile shot of 3! He is absolutely STUNNING! you can see his littles lips, ears, chin, nose, etc! I cant wait for February/ March to meet him!
3 is one VERY active little guy! I absolutely love feeling him moving around in there! There are times when i guess all of his moving could get a little bothersome, like when i am sleeping and he wakes me up, but for me I absolutely enjoy every single minute of it! I can tell I will have my hands full come March, but i am ready for it!!
He is so cute, I am not sure if it is him being jealous, or if it is him just wanting to say hi to his cousins... but everytime I hold or feed Luke, Evan or Trace my little guy starts moving a lot!! It is so funny!
In the past couple of days I have been able to start seeing my tummy jump when he moves. At times he will make large movements and my entire stomache will go up and down!
Billy and I are still on edge, and every doctor appointment we walk in a little tense, but thankfully have left extremely happy. I can honestly say that as each week goes by, I start to become a little more confident in knowing everything will be ok for our son, but I think my husband is still a little more nervous/cautious. If I take too long going to the restroom, or if i take too long getting my weight and blood pressure at the doctors office, or if I jump bc my lil guys movements catch me off guard, or if I make a weird face, or if I yell down to him from upstairs... all of these things, plus many other, have Billy in a panic. I wish there was some way to ensure my husband his son will be healthy and full term, but then again there is no way I can ensure myself that. I just know that we are doing all we can to ensure our sons health, and we are trying to remain optimistic about things.
On another note, Billy and I have been working on 3's nursery lately. That has been bittersweet. It's nice and fun doing this for our son, and its fun to decorate and see that we are making progress, but it is also very hard thinking about our girls. We had the bottom portion of the walls repainted by someone else, it would have been too hard to paint over the pretty pink stripes that were meant for our daughters to see. But, of course, we could not leave our son's nursery pink.
These past few weeks have been a little difficult for us. We have definately had our moments. We are so happy to have surpassed our 22 week milestone, and we are looking forward to at least 13 more weeks with him being in my tummy!!
Have you heard that song, "Anything Like Me" from Brad Paisley?
The Lyrics are:
I remember saying I don't care either way
Just as long as he or she is healthy I'm ok
Then the doctor pointed to the corner of the screen
And said "You see that thing right there well you know what that means"
And I started wondering who he was going to be
And I thought heaven help us if he's anything like me
He'll probably climb a tree too tall and ride hes bike to fast
End up every summer wearing something in a cast
He's gonna throw a ball and break some glass in a window down the street
He's gonna get in trouble oh he's gonna get in fights
I'm gonna lose my temper and some sleep
It's safe to say that I'm gonna get my payback if he's anything like me
I can see him right now knees all skinned up
With a magnifying glass trying to melt a Tonka truck
Won't he be a sight with his football helmet on
That'll be his first love til his first love comes along
He'll get his heart broke by the time he's in his teens
And heaven help him if he's anything like me
He'll probably stay out too late and drive his car too fast
Get a speeding ticket he'll pay for mowing grass
He's gonna get caught skipping class and be grounded for a week
He's gonna get in trouble we're gonna get in fights
I'm gonna lose my temper and some sleep
It's safe to say that I'm gonna get my payback if he's anything like me
He's gonna love me and hate me along the way
Years are gonna fly by I already dread the day
He's gonna hug his momma, he's gonna shake my hand
He's gonna act like he cant wait to leave
But as he drives out he'll cry his eyes out
If he's anything like me there's worse folks to be like
Aw he'll be alright if he's anything like me
Well that has been a happy song for Billy and I. The first set of lyrics absolutely hits home... "I remember saying I don't care either way
Just as long as he or she is healthy I'm ok..."- That is exactly how we felt/feel and now Billy will have a little mini me in a few months! I guess its our song for 3!
I was riding in the car the other day and a song came on the radio... and i do really like the song, "If I die Young" by The Band Perry, but for some reason it hit me today on the way to work. The verse, "Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother - She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh and Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no Ain't even grey, but she buries her baby..."
Man oh man did i start crying. I cant tell you how many times i have heard that song on the radio, and how many times i have sung the lyrics, but for some reason this morning I sat quiet and actually listened to the lyrics and that verse just hit too close to home-- Im actually tearing up now just thinking about it.
I havent been too festive this holiday season, and I know i probably should be... as I usually am, but its just gloomy for me. Billy has stated this Thanksgiving and Christmas he doesnt want to do anything but be left alone. Its just really hard knowing that our daughters should be here for their first holidays with us, and now we just have an empty home full of their pictures. Pictures, just pictures, not our daughters...We will see how it goes these next few months, but we are looking forward to a new year, 2011 and the birth of our baby boy.
Yes, I am still sleeping with my girls toys-- think that I will probably do this forever. It brings me closer to them in some way when i lay down at night. I take them with me wherever I stay.
This year I have met some amazing people and amazing moms that unfortunately the bond we share is the loss of our child/children. I am so thankful to have them all in my life. They have helped me through this journey as well. Today i ask you pray for baby Abby, she would have been 1 yr old today. Happy Angel-versary Baby Abby. I also ask that you pray for all of the families out there that have experienced the loss of a child. Whether it be a newborn or an adult, losing a child is extremely painful, it doesnt matter what age they are.
The time has flown by so fast... I cannot believe I am 6 months pregnant--- and further I cannot believe it has been 9.5 months since the birth/death of my daughters.
On another note, remember me mentioning about medical bills for Taylor and Riley a while back? and how each girl was billed over $3K for "services rendered"-- well, that has been taken care of after numerous calls to the billing department and having them look into what exactly we were charged for. It stinks having to argue over something like this and makes it even harder to bring up those memories, I wish these billing departments would stop trying to take advantage of people and would actually send correct bills!!
Ill try to keep up regular updates, I know my cousin Anna for one would love me too!!! I will also try and upload baby, baby bump, and nursery pictures soon!!!
I'll begin my update on Baby Billy aka 3!!
Billy and I have continued to go to our weekly doctor appointments and so far everything is looking good! I have been having quite the discomfort lately in my pelvic area, but my doctor said its just because everything is changing and my ligaments are stretching. Needless to say it HURTS!! and now I waddle like a duck when i walk bc it hurts!
We are still certain its a boy!! we get "the shot" every time we do an ultrasound. A few weeks ago the only pictures the sonographer gave us was one of his foot (So freaking cute) and one of his "boyness". haha.
I went to the doctor on Wednesday 11/10 and they took his measurements. My baby boy is weighing in at 1 pound 9 ounces! Billy and I had a bet going while we were waiting to see the doctor. His first guess was 2 pounds and his second was over 1pound 5 ounces. My guess was way lower, I was thinking he'd weigh about 1 pound 2-3ounces. Well, I was off!! I was thinking about Taylor and Riley. Taylor was 1 pound at almost 22 weeks and Riley was 12 ounces. So i just figured 3 was 2 weeks further than that so he would be measuring close to my girls measurements... guess daddy was closer!
The previous 2 weeks I was gaining about 3 pounds a WEEK!!! I thought that was quite a bit, but my doctor assured me it was normal and I was on target for my final weight gain, about 35 pounds. Well, this week I weighed a pound less. I was a little taken back that i gained 3 pounds 2 weeks in a row and then all of a sudden I lost a pound?! Oh well, Dr P still said it was fine. Ive gained about 15lbs total so far. My tummy sure is growing!
I have been such a slacker in posting pictures, so I will have to get on top of that soon!
At this weeks appointment the sonographer got an awesome side profile shot of 3! He is absolutely STUNNING! you can see his littles lips, ears, chin, nose, etc! I cant wait for February/ March to meet him!
3 is one VERY active little guy! I absolutely love feeling him moving around in there! There are times when i guess all of his moving could get a little bothersome, like when i am sleeping and he wakes me up, but for me I absolutely enjoy every single minute of it! I can tell I will have my hands full come March, but i am ready for it!!
He is so cute, I am not sure if it is him being jealous, or if it is him just wanting to say hi to his cousins... but everytime I hold or feed Luke, Evan or Trace my little guy starts moving a lot!! It is so funny!
In the past couple of days I have been able to start seeing my tummy jump when he moves. At times he will make large movements and my entire stomache will go up and down!
Billy and I are still on edge, and every doctor appointment we walk in a little tense, but thankfully have left extremely happy. I can honestly say that as each week goes by, I start to become a little more confident in knowing everything will be ok for our son, but I think my husband is still a little more nervous/cautious. If I take too long going to the restroom, or if i take too long getting my weight and blood pressure at the doctors office, or if I jump bc my lil guys movements catch me off guard, or if I make a weird face, or if I yell down to him from upstairs... all of these things, plus many other, have Billy in a panic. I wish there was some way to ensure my husband his son will be healthy and full term, but then again there is no way I can ensure myself that. I just know that we are doing all we can to ensure our sons health, and we are trying to remain optimistic about things.
On another note, Billy and I have been working on 3's nursery lately. That has been bittersweet. It's nice and fun doing this for our son, and its fun to decorate and see that we are making progress, but it is also very hard thinking about our girls. We had the bottom portion of the walls repainted by someone else, it would have been too hard to paint over the pretty pink stripes that were meant for our daughters to see. But, of course, we could not leave our son's nursery pink.
These past few weeks have been a little difficult for us. We have definately had our moments. We are so happy to have surpassed our 22 week milestone, and we are looking forward to at least 13 more weeks with him being in my tummy!!
Have you heard that song, "Anything Like Me" from Brad Paisley?
The Lyrics are:
I remember saying I don't care either way
Just as long as he or she is healthy I'm ok
Then the doctor pointed to the corner of the screen
And said "You see that thing right there well you know what that means"
And I started wondering who he was going to be
And I thought heaven help us if he's anything like me
He'll probably climb a tree too tall and ride hes bike to fast
End up every summer wearing something in a cast
He's gonna throw a ball and break some glass in a window down the street
He's gonna get in trouble oh he's gonna get in fights
I'm gonna lose my temper and some sleep
It's safe to say that I'm gonna get my payback if he's anything like me
I can see him right now knees all skinned up
With a magnifying glass trying to melt a Tonka truck
Won't he be a sight with his football helmet on
That'll be his first love til his first love comes along
He'll get his heart broke by the time he's in his teens
And heaven help him if he's anything like me
He'll probably stay out too late and drive his car too fast
Get a speeding ticket he'll pay for mowing grass
He's gonna get caught skipping class and be grounded for a week
He's gonna get in trouble we're gonna get in fights
I'm gonna lose my temper and some sleep
It's safe to say that I'm gonna get my payback if he's anything like me
He's gonna love me and hate me along the way
Years are gonna fly by I already dread the day
He's gonna hug his momma, he's gonna shake my hand
He's gonna act like he cant wait to leave
But as he drives out he'll cry his eyes out
If he's anything like me there's worse folks to be like
Aw he'll be alright if he's anything like me
Well that has been a happy song for Billy and I. The first set of lyrics absolutely hits home... "I remember saying I don't care either way
Just as long as he or she is healthy I'm ok..."- That is exactly how we felt/feel and now Billy will have a little mini me in a few months! I guess its our song for 3!
I was riding in the car the other day and a song came on the radio... and i do really like the song, "If I die Young" by The Band Perry, but for some reason it hit me today on the way to work. The verse, "Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother - She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh and Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no Ain't even grey, but she buries her baby..."
Man oh man did i start crying. I cant tell you how many times i have heard that song on the radio, and how many times i have sung the lyrics, but for some reason this morning I sat quiet and actually listened to the lyrics and that verse just hit too close to home-- Im actually tearing up now just thinking about it.
I havent been too festive this holiday season, and I know i probably should be... as I usually am, but its just gloomy for me. Billy has stated this Thanksgiving and Christmas he doesnt want to do anything but be left alone. Its just really hard knowing that our daughters should be here for their first holidays with us, and now we just have an empty home full of their pictures. Pictures, just pictures, not our daughters...We will see how it goes these next few months, but we are looking forward to a new year, 2011 and the birth of our baby boy.
Yes, I am still sleeping with my girls toys-- think that I will probably do this forever. It brings me closer to them in some way when i lay down at night. I take them with me wherever I stay.
This year I have met some amazing people and amazing moms that unfortunately the bond we share is the loss of our child/children. I am so thankful to have them all in my life. They have helped me through this journey as well. Today i ask you pray for baby Abby, she would have been 1 yr old today. Happy Angel-versary Baby Abby. I also ask that you pray for all of the families out there that have experienced the loss of a child. Whether it be a newborn or an adult, losing a child is extremely painful, it doesnt matter what age they are.
The time has flown by so fast... I cannot believe I am 6 months pregnant--- and further I cannot believe it has been 9.5 months since the birth/death of my daughters.
On another note, remember me mentioning about medical bills for Taylor and Riley a while back? and how each girl was billed over $3K for "services rendered"-- well, that has been taken care of after numerous calls to the billing department and having them look into what exactly we were charged for. It stinks having to argue over something like this and makes it even harder to bring up those memories, I wish these billing departments would stop trying to take advantage of people and would actually send correct bills!!
Ill try to keep up regular updates, I know my cousin Anna for one would love me too!!! I will also try and upload baby, baby bump, and nursery pictures soon!!!
October 25,2010
This past week has been a real struggle. Completely full of anxiety, but thank God- we have passed our first milestone!!
Last Tuesday, October 19, Billy and I went for my weekly follow up. I was exactly 21 weeks. The sonogram began and my hansome little man was moving around like always! Well, where his head was positioned was blocking my cervix, so my sonographer was trying to wait for him to move so she could get a good cervical length. In the process of that she began to tell me that she had to wait a minute because I was having a little contraction. CONTRACTION!!! Billy and I both looked at each other in a panic-- can i remind you that i went in to labor with my daughters at 21 weeks and 6 days, so we were coming up to that milestone again. Hearing that I was having a contraction freaked us out, but then we were told that EVERYONE gets contractions every now and then, so this was completely normal. As long as I wasnt having too many an hour I was fine. Well, then she got a good cervical length and in 5 days my cervical length went from a 4.3cm to a 3.8 cm. Once again we were told that this was a safe measurement, but to Billy and I - who are already on edge- hearing that I was having a contraction and then taht my cervix shortened by 0.5cm in 5 days freaked us out.
My doctor had switched days with the other doctor in the office so we didnt get to see Dr P. The doctor we trust and love. Let me just say that we trust the entire practice, but to us we seek comfort in our dr. After the appointment, I left in tears. Billy had to rush to a meeting for work, and was on edge as well. I got in my car and immediately called my sister. I explained to her how the doctor said it was ok, but I was still scared/nervous. Jen kept trying to push me to call Dr P. As she said, yes the other doctor was aware of my previous situation/loss, but Dr P knows everything about me and what happened bc he was there. I gave in and called Dr P just to run everything by him. He went in to the office and looked at my ultrasound and confirmed that everything looked normal. That helped a lot hearing it from him, but we are still scared/nervous.
Saturday night/Sunday morning was that day" in my pregnancy. Billy and I were so nervous. I was up all night. I was constantly making bathroom trips to make sure there was no blood or anything different. Thankfully there wasnt any. I woke up Sunday and was still a little on edge. I went to breakfast with my husband, went to my niece's birthday party, and was home by 3-4 and just laid on the couch all day trying to relax.
Thankfully all is still looking good. I feel my little man kicking/moving around all the time. its so cute! he Loves moving at night and early in the morning. He is going to be one very active child!!
We ordered his dresser, crib and mattress and so far the mattress and dresser have come in.. now we are just waiting on his crib, that should be here today or tomorrow!!
We have 15 more weeks until my stitch comes out!!! and then after that Baby Billy is safe to come anytime!! We are thinking our baby boy will be here sometime mid February!
My next appointment is on Thursday-- will keep ya posted on how that goes.
Last Tuesday, October 19, Billy and I went for my weekly follow up. I was exactly 21 weeks. The sonogram began and my hansome little man was moving around like always! Well, where his head was positioned was blocking my cervix, so my sonographer was trying to wait for him to move so she could get a good cervical length. In the process of that she began to tell me that she had to wait a minute because I was having a little contraction. CONTRACTION!!! Billy and I both looked at each other in a panic-- can i remind you that i went in to labor with my daughters at 21 weeks and 6 days, so we were coming up to that milestone again. Hearing that I was having a contraction freaked us out, but then we were told that EVERYONE gets contractions every now and then, so this was completely normal. As long as I wasnt having too many an hour I was fine. Well, then she got a good cervical length and in 5 days my cervical length went from a 4.3cm to a 3.8 cm. Once again we were told that this was a safe measurement, but to Billy and I - who are already on edge- hearing that I was having a contraction and then taht my cervix shortened by 0.5cm in 5 days freaked us out.
My doctor had switched days with the other doctor in the office so we didnt get to see Dr P. The doctor we trust and love. Let me just say that we trust the entire practice, but to us we seek comfort in our dr. After the appointment, I left in tears. Billy had to rush to a meeting for work, and was on edge as well. I got in my car and immediately called my sister. I explained to her how the doctor said it was ok, but I was still scared/nervous. Jen kept trying to push me to call Dr P. As she said, yes the other doctor was aware of my previous situation/loss, but Dr P knows everything about me and what happened bc he was there. I gave in and called Dr P just to run everything by him. He went in to the office and looked at my ultrasound and confirmed that everything looked normal. That helped a lot hearing it from him, but we are still scared/nervous.
Saturday night/Sunday morning was that day" in my pregnancy. Billy and I were so nervous. I was up all night. I was constantly making bathroom trips to make sure there was no blood or anything different. Thankfully there wasnt any. I woke up Sunday and was still a little on edge. I went to breakfast with my husband, went to my niece's birthday party, and was home by 3-4 and just laid on the couch all day trying to relax.
Thankfully all is still looking good. I feel my little man kicking/moving around all the time. its so cute! he Loves moving at night and early in the morning. He is going to be one very active child!!
We ordered his dresser, crib and mattress and so far the mattress and dresser have come in.. now we are just waiting on his crib, that should be here today or tomorrow!!
We have 15 more weeks until my stitch comes out!!! and then after that Baby Billy is safe to come anytime!! We are thinking our baby boy will be here sometime mid February!
My next appointment is on Thursday-- will keep ya posted on how that goes.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
October 15, 2010
Wow!! A lot has happened since my last blog, I just dont know where to begin!!
My last blog entry ended with me wondering what I should do about the progesterone shots. Billy and I spoke to our doctor and asked what his opinion was. He advised us that he did not necessarily think we HAD to have them right now. Like I mentioned before, the situation this time is a bit different- One baby, a cerclage, weekly doctor vistits, etc- so we figured we would trust our doctor and not take the shots. He said that if need be that I can begin them if we start to see a change in my cervix, but hopefully it wont come down to that.
We have also been advised that we should not travel any further than an hour away from the hospital beginning at 20 weeks. Billy and I had a lot coming up, including our anniversary,and have been EXTREMELY stressed, so we decided to take advantage of the few weeks we had left, so we decided that a vacation would be good for us. Oh man, the stress that came along with planning a vacation!! At 17 weeks, we decided to take a road trip. We were going to go to Tennessee, but flying was a little nerve racking to us. Our doctor approved for me to fly, however, I have read studies that show flying can induce labor so I was not about to take that chance even if i had the approval from one of the best OB's ever!! But then to drive to TN would be rough on me too, my doctor said driving that far wouldnt be too good and we would also have to stop every 2-3 hours for me to get out and walk... so seeings as that would cause pressure on my cervix sitting that long, we decided TN was a no go. Plus it was like 13 hours away from home, so that also made us a little worried.
Billy, the awesome vacation planner that he is, mapped out a road trip for us. This was very spontaneous and planned within a few days. We set out on our vacation on Saturday 9/18 and our first stop was in Jacksonville to visit his best friend Ryan. We havent seen Ryan and Heather since the girls' funeral, so we thought it'd be nice to say hi to them. We hung out and stayed over night. We woke up Sunday morning and headed to Savannah, Ga. We stayed at the Bohemian Hotel. We walked up and down the streets (even though the walking was kind of rough for me, so we had to make frequent stops to rest!), we ate lots of food and just enjoyed the water and the town. We ate lunch at the "Lady and Sons" restaurant, which is Paula Deen's restaurant. It was some good southern cookin-- Fried Chicken, Mashed potatoes and gravy, biscuits, lima beans, collard greens, macaroni and cheese, etc. I topped it all off with some banana pudding! Yummy! After that we ate at one of the haunted restaurants for dinner.
On Monday morning we headed to our 3rd destination... Hilton Head, SC. We LOVED it. We stayed at the Westin and it was a very relaxing time. The beach was gorgeous and very isolated. The food was delicious!! We stayed there Monday and Tuesday night and then decided we had enough and wanted to come home. We had originally planned on stopping a few other places on the way home, but our nerves had gotten the best of us.
While in Savannah we were getting worried about every little thing and were scared of being so far away from the hospital if something were to happen. We almost came home that day!! We decided to stick it out, and seeings as though I was only 17 weeks pregnant, there would not be too much that could be done if something did turn for the worse, so we figured we would continue our vacation. While in Hilton Head it was very nerve wracking too, so that's why we chose to come home on Wednesday.
Along the way of our road trip we got a little side tracked and went the wrong way. As we were a little frustrated we came across two street signs-- the signs had the names of our daughters. We knew then that there was a reason for getting "lost". I always look at those things as signs from our beautiful angels and feel its their way of letting us know they are watching over us.
I wish that we could be like almost every other pregnant couple and just go on vacation without a worry, but for us it is a constant battle. Billy and I both have no where near come to peace with the loss of our girls, and the constant worry of our son has realy gotten the best of us. We are trying to stay strong, but it has been really difficult. It's amazing how many people try to tell us that we should be "over it" or "accept it" or "focus on this pregnancy and not your girls" etc... Those people obviously have NO idea what its like to lose a child, let alone 2. Or you get the people that cant grasp that this will be our 3rd child and not 1st!! I look at them and wonder what the heck they are thinking! I did not have a miscarriage I had a live birth, and my daughters were alive. What makes them any less of our children bc they were only alive a few hours? NOTHING!!! I am their mom, Billy is their dad, and they are and will forever be our BEAUTIFUL Perfect daughters.
While in South Carolina we found an ice cream parlor that sold Smurf ice cream!! Oh man was that yummy, and ever since we left I have been craving more of it! I came home from work one day and my husband had surprised me with a tub of it! he FINALLY found Smurf again in our area! The local parlor that sold Smurf is no longer in business, so thankfully he found a new one.
Another craving I have had are Clark Bars. I had never eaten one before but had heard stories of them. Billys mom used to crave them while she was pregnant with Billy. Well, one day while visiting Billys dad I saw one in the "junk food box"! I decided to try it! Man was thata bad idea :) I had been craving them since! Once again, like my Smurf craving, Clark bars are very hard to find. I had searched and searched for them... FINALLY, while shopping at Michaels one day I saw a "retro-candy" section and there they were!! Now I know where to find them!!
Craving # 3 was Worlds Finest Chocolate bars!! I remembered selling those in elementary school for fundraisers for $1. No clue where the craving came from, but lately thats all that had been on my mind. My neices dont sell them at school, I asked my aunt if my cousins kids sold them at their schools and they didnt either... NO ONE sells them anymore!! Of course, my thoughtful husband knew of my craving and managed to order some online!! He had 15 bars shipped! 10 milk chocolate and 5 almond! They came in a lil box and he had a lil message for me and 3 in the box! it was very sweet of him and now all of my cravings have been conquered!! haha
Also in my previous blog i mentioned wanting to feel Baby Billy kick. Well that time arrived while we were on vacation!! In the past week or so he has been moving SO much!! I love feeling him. He is still too small for Billy to feel the movement, but man o man do i feel him!
We are now going weekly to our doctor visits. I LOVE it! It has helped keep us a little less stressed, but of course the stress is ALWAYS there!! At our 20 week appt yesterday Baby Billy was measuring 14 ounces!! That is bigger than Riley was, she was 12. Billy and I have been stressed lately bc that BIG milestone is coming close... 21 weeks and 6 days. So far all is looking well, our son is healthy and my cervix is still looking good. the past 3 weeks it has been measuring 4.3 which is good. Hopefully the cerclage worked!!
September 13th my nephew Trace William entered the world at 9lbs 1oz! he was a chubby little guy, but is of course very cute!
Then on September 30, 2010 my sister went in to labor. My nephews were born at 36 weeks and Luke Alexander weighed 5lbs 2 oz and Evan Joshua weighed 4lbs 11oz. They didnt have such an easy time as Trace did. They both were in the NICU and Evan was able to go home on 10/10 and Luke was able to go home on 10/14! so now they are at home and happy!!
that day was a hard day for me. I was so happy for my sister and my nephews, but it was also hard. Her boys were supposed to be welcomed by their twin cousins. I know my girls were looking down on them and making sure they would be healthy. The 30th was also Taylor and Riley's 8 month Angel-versary. The 30th of every month is so hard for me... I mean everyday is hard, but the 30th is even worse.
Ive been having quite a bit of "bad" days recently. It's hard accepting they are gone forever. I finally finished the angels I made for their site! I think they turned out beautifully!! I placed them under the girls bench. I figured this way they wouldnt get too beat up from the heat, rain, etc...
I have recently started trying to think of what to do with the nursery for 3. I went in there the other day and tried to start putting away Taylor and Rileys things in the trunk my dad made for them, but that was way too difficult. I figure I have time to do it and in time I will find the strength to do it.
Billy and I also wanted to begin 3's registry. We started getting ready on Sunday to go, but our nerves got the best of us and we were not able to do it yet. Everything is just so hard.
Well, i guess that has been my month in a nut shell!!
My last blog entry ended with me wondering what I should do about the progesterone shots. Billy and I spoke to our doctor and asked what his opinion was. He advised us that he did not necessarily think we HAD to have them right now. Like I mentioned before, the situation this time is a bit different- One baby, a cerclage, weekly doctor vistits, etc- so we figured we would trust our doctor and not take the shots. He said that if need be that I can begin them if we start to see a change in my cervix, but hopefully it wont come down to that.
We have also been advised that we should not travel any further than an hour away from the hospital beginning at 20 weeks. Billy and I had a lot coming up, including our anniversary,and have been EXTREMELY stressed, so we decided to take advantage of the few weeks we had left, so we decided that a vacation would be good for us. Oh man, the stress that came along with planning a vacation!! At 17 weeks, we decided to take a road trip. We were going to go to Tennessee, but flying was a little nerve racking to us. Our doctor approved for me to fly, however, I have read studies that show flying can induce labor so I was not about to take that chance even if i had the approval from one of the best OB's ever!! But then to drive to TN would be rough on me too, my doctor said driving that far wouldnt be too good and we would also have to stop every 2-3 hours for me to get out and walk... so seeings as that would cause pressure on my cervix sitting that long, we decided TN was a no go. Plus it was like 13 hours away from home, so that also made us a little worried.
Billy, the awesome vacation planner that he is, mapped out a road trip for us. This was very spontaneous and planned within a few days. We set out on our vacation on Saturday 9/18 and our first stop was in Jacksonville to visit his best friend Ryan. We havent seen Ryan and Heather since the girls' funeral, so we thought it'd be nice to say hi to them. We hung out and stayed over night. We woke up Sunday morning and headed to Savannah, Ga. We stayed at the Bohemian Hotel. We walked up and down the streets (even though the walking was kind of rough for me, so we had to make frequent stops to rest!), we ate lots of food and just enjoyed the water and the town. We ate lunch at the "Lady and Sons" restaurant, which is Paula Deen's restaurant. It was some good southern cookin-- Fried Chicken, Mashed potatoes and gravy, biscuits, lima beans, collard greens, macaroni and cheese, etc. I topped it all off with some banana pudding! Yummy! After that we ate at one of the haunted restaurants for dinner.
On Monday morning we headed to our 3rd destination... Hilton Head, SC. We LOVED it. We stayed at the Westin and it was a very relaxing time. The beach was gorgeous and very isolated. The food was delicious!! We stayed there Monday and Tuesday night and then decided we had enough and wanted to come home. We had originally planned on stopping a few other places on the way home, but our nerves had gotten the best of us.
While in Savannah we were getting worried about every little thing and were scared of being so far away from the hospital if something were to happen. We almost came home that day!! We decided to stick it out, and seeings as though I was only 17 weeks pregnant, there would not be too much that could be done if something did turn for the worse, so we figured we would continue our vacation. While in Hilton Head it was very nerve wracking too, so that's why we chose to come home on Wednesday.
Along the way of our road trip we got a little side tracked and went the wrong way. As we were a little frustrated we came across two street signs-- the signs had the names of our daughters. We knew then that there was a reason for getting "lost". I always look at those things as signs from our beautiful angels and feel its their way of letting us know they are watching over us.
I wish that we could be like almost every other pregnant couple and just go on vacation without a worry, but for us it is a constant battle. Billy and I both have no where near come to peace with the loss of our girls, and the constant worry of our son has realy gotten the best of us. We are trying to stay strong, but it has been really difficult. It's amazing how many people try to tell us that we should be "over it" or "accept it" or "focus on this pregnancy and not your girls" etc... Those people obviously have NO idea what its like to lose a child, let alone 2. Or you get the people that cant grasp that this will be our 3rd child and not 1st!! I look at them and wonder what the heck they are thinking! I did not have a miscarriage I had a live birth, and my daughters were alive. What makes them any less of our children bc they were only alive a few hours? NOTHING!!! I am their mom, Billy is their dad, and they are and will forever be our BEAUTIFUL Perfect daughters.
While in South Carolina we found an ice cream parlor that sold Smurf ice cream!! Oh man was that yummy, and ever since we left I have been craving more of it! I came home from work one day and my husband had surprised me with a tub of it! he FINALLY found Smurf again in our area! The local parlor that sold Smurf is no longer in business, so thankfully he found a new one.
Another craving I have had are Clark Bars. I had never eaten one before but had heard stories of them. Billys mom used to crave them while she was pregnant with Billy. Well, one day while visiting Billys dad I saw one in the "junk food box"! I decided to try it! Man was thata bad idea :) I had been craving them since! Once again, like my Smurf craving, Clark bars are very hard to find. I had searched and searched for them... FINALLY, while shopping at Michaels one day I saw a "retro-candy" section and there they were!! Now I know where to find them!!
Craving # 3 was Worlds Finest Chocolate bars!! I remembered selling those in elementary school for fundraisers for $1. No clue where the craving came from, but lately thats all that had been on my mind. My neices dont sell them at school, I asked my aunt if my cousins kids sold them at their schools and they didnt either... NO ONE sells them anymore!! Of course, my thoughtful husband knew of my craving and managed to order some online!! He had 15 bars shipped! 10 milk chocolate and 5 almond! They came in a lil box and he had a lil message for me and 3 in the box! it was very sweet of him and now all of my cravings have been conquered!! haha
Also in my previous blog i mentioned wanting to feel Baby Billy kick. Well that time arrived while we were on vacation!! In the past week or so he has been moving SO much!! I love feeling him. He is still too small for Billy to feel the movement, but man o man do i feel him!
We are now going weekly to our doctor visits. I LOVE it! It has helped keep us a little less stressed, but of course the stress is ALWAYS there!! At our 20 week appt yesterday Baby Billy was measuring 14 ounces!! That is bigger than Riley was, she was 12. Billy and I have been stressed lately bc that BIG milestone is coming close... 21 weeks and 6 days. So far all is looking well, our son is healthy and my cervix is still looking good. the past 3 weeks it has been measuring 4.3 which is good. Hopefully the cerclage worked!!
September 13th my nephew Trace William entered the world at 9lbs 1oz! he was a chubby little guy, but is of course very cute!
Then on September 30, 2010 my sister went in to labor. My nephews were born at 36 weeks and Luke Alexander weighed 5lbs 2 oz and Evan Joshua weighed 4lbs 11oz. They didnt have such an easy time as Trace did. They both were in the NICU and Evan was able to go home on 10/10 and Luke was able to go home on 10/14! so now they are at home and happy!!
that day was a hard day for me. I was so happy for my sister and my nephews, but it was also hard. Her boys were supposed to be welcomed by their twin cousins. I know my girls were looking down on them and making sure they would be healthy. The 30th was also Taylor and Riley's 8 month Angel-versary. The 30th of every month is so hard for me... I mean everyday is hard, but the 30th is even worse.
Ive been having quite a bit of "bad" days recently. It's hard accepting they are gone forever. I finally finished the angels I made for their site! I think they turned out beautifully!! I placed them under the girls bench. I figured this way they wouldnt get too beat up from the heat, rain, etc...
I have recently started trying to think of what to do with the nursery for 3. I went in there the other day and tried to start putting away Taylor and Rileys things in the trunk my dad made for them, but that was way too difficult. I figure I have time to do it and in time I will find the strength to do it.
Billy and I also wanted to begin 3's registry. We started getting ready on Sunday to go, but our nerves got the best of us and we were not able to do it yet. Everything is just so hard.
Well, i guess that has been my month in a nut shell!!
Friday, September 17, 2010
September 15
September 15, 2010
I started off this morning to a great start. I woke up and headed off to the doctor for my 16 week cerclage check. Unfortunately, Billy was out of town for work, so he was unable to come with me, but my sister, Courtney, was able to come! I’m scared to go alone. Billy has been at every single appointment with me up until today. He was also at all of Taylor and Riley’s appointments except for one.
I was sick one day, and felt horrible so the doctor had me come in to do a check up, so the actual appointment that time really was not scheduled and didn’t have anything to do with Taylor and Riley per say, it was more them making sure I didn’t need to be on antibiotics or what not for my cold. Well, this was the ONLY time Billy had not been with me, and when I went in, as they went to check the girls heart beats, they only found one. I absolutely panicked! So now, I’m scared to go alone for fear of something like that happening again and me being alone. Well eventually they were able to find the second heart beat, but still those few minutes were just horrible.
Well, today Courtney came with me and of course the second I left the appointment my first phone call was to Billy to give him an update!
3 is one very healthy baby boy! He was VERY active today, moving all around! His heart rate was 147; which is good. They did a quick glimpse and it looked like everything was in the right place and fully functioning. We do a complete anatomy check up at our next appointment in 2 weeks. He was SO CUTE and it looked like he was chewing and blowing kisses. One happy baby boy. It was hard to get a good picture this time because he was so active, but we did manage to get a few! The sonographer got one AWESOME shot of one of his little feet. It is so adorable!! We also got a few of his head and body, his face, and of his “male parts”.
The doctor brought up another option Billy and I may want to seek, Progesterone shots. This is a shot that I would have to take EVERY WEEK starting at 20 weeks up until 37 weeks. Studies show that these shots MAY help reduce the chance of preterm labor. The doctor, however, did remind me that my circumstances are different this time: I have a cerclage, I am being followed EXTREMELY closely, and there is only one baby this time. So far my cervix is looking healthy, measured 4.7 today and my stitch is holding firm. I read on the March of Dimes web page that these shots have not proven to have any short term side effects on the baby (for up to 2 years of age) but they don’t have any studies to show any long term side effects… so you never know if these shots could effect 3 in the future. Many women have taken these shots and I was reading one blog where a lady said she took them and it prolonged her labor, however she still delivered preterm @ 30 something weeks. I haven’t seen anywhere where someone has taken the shots and has had a cerclage. We still have 4 weeks to decide on this, it was just an option we have, not necessarily a recommendation. Any opinions on what you would do?! Im so scared of effecting 3, and the way I am seeing it is my doctor is already following me SO close, that I feel if things do turn for the worst, we will be able to catch it in time this time, but then again you never know.
Dr P also said that beginning 20 weeks, I won’t be able to travel or go really anywhere that’s too far from him. Not that I would anyway, and even if I did, not that Billy would let me!! At 20 weeks I will be monitored even more and will more than likely be moving from bi-weekly visits to weekly visits. But that’s fine with me because I LOVE seeing my lil man grow!
Well that’s about it on todays visit to the doctor… Im hoping I will start feeling my lil boy moving real soon! I read that you can start feeling your baby as early as 16 weeks and each pregnancy you can feel movement sooner. I remember I really didn’t start feeling Taylor and Riley until later in my pregnancy, but maybe since this is my second pregnancy ill be feeling him move earlier on? Ill keep you posted on that!
I started off this morning to a great start. I woke up and headed off to the doctor for my 16 week cerclage check. Unfortunately, Billy was out of town for work, so he was unable to come with me, but my sister, Courtney, was able to come! I’m scared to go alone. Billy has been at every single appointment with me up until today. He was also at all of Taylor and Riley’s appointments except for one.
I was sick one day, and felt horrible so the doctor had me come in to do a check up, so the actual appointment that time really was not scheduled and didn’t have anything to do with Taylor and Riley per say, it was more them making sure I didn’t need to be on antibiotics or what not for my cold. Well, this was the ONLY time Billy had not been with me, and when I went in, as they went to check the girls heart beats, they only found one. I absolutely panicked! So now, I’m scared to go alone for fear of something like that happening again and me being alone. Well eventually they were able to find the second heart beat, but still those few minutes were just horrible.
Well, today Courtney came with me and of course the second I left the appointment my first phone call was to Billy to give him an update!
3 is one very healthy baby boy! He was VERY active today, moving all around! His heart rate was 147; which is good. They did a quick glimpse and it looked like everything was in the right place and fully functioning. We do a complete anatomy check up at our next appointment in 2 weeks. He was SO CUTE and it looked like he was chewing and blowing kisses. One happy baby boy. It was hard to get a good picture this time because he was so active, but we did manage to get a few! The sonographer got one AWESOME shot of one of his little feet. It is so adorable!! We also got a few of his head and body, his face, and of his “male parts”.
The doctor brought up another option Billy and I may want to seek, Progesterone shots. This is a shot that I would have to take EVERY WEEK starting at 20 weeks up until 37 weeks. Studies show that these shots MAY help reduce the chance of preterm labor. The doctor, however, did remind me that my circumstances are different this time: I have a cerclage, I am being followed EXTREMELY closely, and there is only one baby this time. So far my cervix is looking healthy, measured 4.7 today and my stitch is holding firm. I read on the March of Dimes web page that these shots have not proven to have any short term side effects on the baby (for up to 2 years of age) but they don’t have any studies to show any long term side effects… so you never know if these shots could effect 3 in the future. Many women have taken these shots and I was reading one blog where a lady said she took them and it prolonged her labor, however she still delivered preterm @ 30 something weeks. I haven’t seen anywhere where someone has taken the shots and has had a cerclage. We still have 4 weeks to decide on this, it was just an option we have, not necessarily a recommendation. Any opinions on what you would do?! Im so scared of effecting 3, and the way I am seeing it is my doctor is already following me SO close, that I feel if things do turn for the worst, we will be able to catch it in time this time, but then again you never know.
Dr P also said that beginning 20 weeks, I won’t be able to travel or go really anywhere that’s too far from him. Not that I would anyway, and even if I did, not that Billy would let me!! At 20 weeks I will be monitored even more and will more than likely be moving from bi-weekly visits to weekly visits. But that’s fine with me because I LOVE seeing my lil man grow!
Well that’s about it on todays visit to the doctor… Im hoping I will start feeling my lil boy moving real soon! I read that you can start feeling your baby as early as 16 weeks and each pregnancy you can feel movement sooner. I remember I really didn’t start feeling Taylor and Riley until later in my pregnancy, but maybe since this is my second pregnancy ill be feeling him move earlier on? Ill keep you posted on that!
Monday, September 13, 2010
September 10,2010
September 10, 2010
As usual, I find my self blogging mainly when I am having a bad day, or have had a few bad days in a row...
Tuesday I fell back into a slump. I was at the grave visiting my girls as I ALWAYS do and I was fine. Sitting there peacefully enjoying my Flatbread and smoothie and just talking to my girls. Then a car pulled up. I m usually at the cemetery alone, or at least the area where Taylor and Riley are buried no one else is usually around. Tuesday was different, a car pulled up and a family of 3 were bringing flowers to someone kind of close to Taylor and Riley. I just sat on the girls bench and so many thoughts were running through my head. First, I wondered who they were visiting? The family was older, looked like a mom, a dad, and an older daughter in her mid 40's. Were they visiting a relative? Grandparents/parents? Everyone I was imagining in my head would have been an older person. Then I wondered to myself if they were thinking the same thing about me and wondering who I was visiting. How many times do you really walk in to a cemetery or hear of a death and think of a baby or a child? Usually never. The thought of that just made me fall into tears. As my eyes water once again while writing this. I said goodbye to my babies, kissed their headstone 4 times, as I always do (2 kisses for each girl) and then got in my car and lost it. As I slowly pulled out of the cemetery I looked back and saw that family kind of walking toward my girls. Im sure they were curious as to who I was visiting.
That set my mood for the rest of the day/night. After work, I went home, changed in to my PJ's and cuddled up on the couch and waited for Billy to get home. I had tears in my eyes as he walked in and he knew it had been "one of those days" for me.
It's amazing how some days I find myself "getting better" and then one little thing can trigger me right back into my crying spells.
The other day I for the FIRST time, was able to look at Taylor and Riley's baby registry. Billy and I figured we would use the same registry for 3, just change all the girl stuff to boy and update the registry to only 1 of everything instead of 2.
It's so weird. At the beginning of this pregnancy when I would refer to 3, knowing I was only carrying 1 child this time, I would always say, "When my babies come..." There were so many times I had to correct myself. Sometime its a complete blur as to what happened that day, and facing reality, then I look at a picture of my beautiful angels and accept reality.
Anytime I drive, I sit back and that is my time to be in complete silence and just gather my thoughts. The other day, while driving I started thinking about "that day". Such a painful day. These memories I dont think I will ever be able to get out of my head.
Then I look, and I see the world around me, and have faith that I will see the light again, and although I know i will NEVER be healed of this pain that lingers in my heart, i hope and pray I will just be able to handle it a little easier.
I look at the precious gift God has given one of my sorority sisters, and think to myself that at one point Im sure she was at her lowest, after the doctors had advised her she would never be able to conceive, and then she went through an adoption process, was matched with a child and then found out she was pregnant. Such joy has come into her life after Im sure, much sorrow and pain.
Billy and I are COMPLETELY overjoyed with finding we are expecting again, and now even more having a little boy, but at times I feel that our joy is outshined by fear. Fear of the same outcome. I have 100% trust in my doctors, but then again only God knows what the future holds. Every little thing Billy and I worry about.
I still have trouble doing certain thnings, the only ultrasounds I like to see are my own, my beautiful baby boy, even looking at Taylor and Rileys ultrasounds at times are hard.
My sister in law is being induced on Monday, and I dont know how to feel. I am so excited to meet my nephew, but at the same time I dont know how hard it will be looking at a newborn. The last newborns I saw were my own. I am trying to brace myself and trying to prepare for Monday. Some may tell me to "suck it up" or "it's totally different" etc, but they arent in my shoes. Its hard to look at twins, and I have a feeling seeing a newborn will be just as hard. I will def be at that hospital though and will be there for my nephew. A few weeks later my sister will be having her twin boys, which Im sure will bring up more emotions as well seeing Twin newborns. I guess these are things I will get used to, it's just really hard. However, I cannot wait until Feb/March to meet my baby boy! He is truly a blessing to us.
As for my cerclage. All is good now!! a week or so of pain, and now Im ALMOST back to my self. I still feel discomfort if I walk too much, but the doctor said that will happen. I go to my next appointment on Wednesday to check the length of my cervix and make sure the stitch is holding. Praying that all goes well! From here on out I have doctor appointments every 2 weeks, and if there is any change in my body they may go to every week, or even more than that. I have no problem with this!! I get to see my lil man growing every 2 weeks! one week is a cervical length check up and then the next is a baby checkup, however each time they will look at both, but every other week they focus on just one thing, baby or cervix.
Billy and I had tickets to the UF/USF game this weekend, but due to the Koran burning we decided not to take the chance of anything happening and decided it's not worth the life of our 3rd baby, so we arent going. I know to some this may sound ridiculous, but this is how we live day to day... we try to avoid any bad situation possible. Chances are all will be fine, but we arent taking that chance. So on that note... we will be watching the game in St Pete, and Go BULLS!
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
September 1, 2010
I am finally feeling more like myself and a lot of my discomfort has gone away, so thought I would now blog about my surgery and about what has gone on in the past 2 weeks!
On Monday, August 23rd, I had my cervical cerclage put in. For those of you who are unaware of what that is, it's a stitch the doctor has placed on my cervix to stitch it hope to HOPEFULLY prevent me from going into pre-term labor again. This was a HUGE deal for my husband and I bc this stitch is what is going to save my baby's life. Just wish they would have thought to put one in for my beautiful daughters :( . There is no guarantee that the stitch will hold to 37 weeks, but we are all very optimistic that it will! At 37 weeks, around February 8th, Dr P will remove the cerclage and at any time after that I will be ok to go in to labor. I've heard stories on what could possibly happen : 1. The stitch does not hold until 37 weeks, and I may have to have a 2nd cerclage put in, or if I am far enough along, i go in to labor 2. At 37 weeks, after the stitch is removed I go in to labor right away, or a few days later 3. because of all of the scar tissue that will be building around my cervix bc of the stitch, it is possible that I am unable to have a vaginal birth bc my cervix will not allow it, and the doctor will have to induce me and deliver via C-section. We are praying for scenario # 2!!
Ok, now on to "that" day... Monday morning I was a ball of nerves, literally. I have been full of nerves every week leading up to the cerclage, and on Monday it was even worse. I was nervous for baby #3 and was nervous to be back in the operating room- not too nervous about the actual procedure. Dr P chose to have me go to the outpatient hospital for the procedure. I am thinking he did this knowing how I was feeling about being back in the OR at Baby Place, the same OR that i delivered my Riley in. Well, Billy and I pulled in to the hospital and after filling out the proper paperwork, we took a seat in the waiting room. A few minutes had gone by, maybe 30, and all of a sudden I heard a panicked voice coming from the lady sitting near us. She was leaning over her Husband, that was hunched over in his chair, screaming "Mike! Mike!". I looked over and saw that the man's joints were starting to lock up and he was having a seizure. His wife was in a panic. All of a sudden, he lifted his head and his pupils were HUGE and then he started making a screaming/moaning sound. I usually would help him, but being that we were in a hospital, and the nurses were there, and the fact that I was already EXTREMELY nervous about my procedure, I felt my chest start to tighten, I started to go in to a panic attack and started to tear up and we had to walk out. I felt so bad. How bad did that look that this poor man is in a full blown seizure and I had to walk out of the room. Well, at that point there was no way I would have been able to stay in that room, I was too shaken up. I felt so HORRIBLE for that man, and prayed that he would be ok. I soon found out that it seemed as if the man had a neurological disorder so that is what triggered his seizure, they all said he would be ok and he was sent to the ER.
Well, Billy and I went back inside, and then my name was called right away. They told me I had to go in ALONE!!!! I was freaking out! The nurse was very nice, and I had to change in to my gown and she had to start an IV. Of course by this point my tears were rolling. After I was all set, they allowed Billy and my parents to come in and wait with me. dr P came in and discussed everything with us. and I also met with the Anesthesiologist. We had decided to do a spinal. I did not want to be sedated.
Well wide awake they wheeled me, and me alone, in to the OR. Dr P was right there with me. As soon as I looked over at that tiny operating table, I lost it. I was a complete mess! They asked me to scoot on to the table from my bed and the entire time all i kept picturing was being in the OR with Riley, and the nurses having to pull me on to the operating table from my bed sheets. It was horrible being in there, wide awake, and without my husband. Dr P kept reminding me this is a whole new ball game. A whole new pregnancy, a differernt OR and COMPLETELY different circumstances. He tried his best to calm me down. After a lil while the Anesthesiologist started to prepare me for my spinal. I was so nervous, I HATE needles! Well he put one shot in, and i thought that was it... Wow was I wrong, that was just the numbing shot!! Then he put the Spinal in. I started to feel my feet tingle and get a lil heavy, but I was not a numb as they had hoped I would be. They started to prepare me, strap my legs up in the harnesses again, and i was really fidgity. It was mainly from my nerves. Time passed and I was just not settling down, and could still feel things, and the A kept asking if he could sedate me a bit. i kept refusing, but eventually, he asked again, and I said "Whatever Dr P wants me to do." he said that he thought that would be for the best. i asked a thousand questions on the effects it could possibly have on baby # 3, bc I was not going to do anything that would hurt my child, but he advised me that the baby would be fine, so I gave the ok, the A gave me the meds, and before I knew it i was passed out!
I woke up to at first nothing, but that was bc the meds were still in me! After a few minutes passed the pain started to sink in. Oh my did I have MAJOR cramping. The nurses, and doctors offered to give me pain meds, but I was already not happy about being sedated, and the pain meds were definately out of the question. I was not putting my child's well being at risk all for a bit of pain. I sucked it up. The doctor said I could take a lighter dose of pain meds, like Advil, but of course, I refused that too!
Billy and I got to leave a few hours later, and the pain had subsided a LITTLE. I was still in a lot of pain. We had decided to stay at the Vinoy, bc the doctor said it would not be good for me to use stairs right away, so we just went to the resort! Right away I climbed in to bed and did not want to get up. The pain hurt no matter what position I laid in, but was worse when i was sitting/standing so laying was my only option. Just as I would start to feel better, and the cramping would slow down, of course I would have to go to the restroom. Then every time I got up to do that, the pain/cramping/discomfort would come back! It was a lose/lose situation... get up and hurt, or stay in bed and hold it and potentially get a bladder infection.
Well each day got a lil better. Tuesday I was still real crampy/sore and Wednesday too. Thursday came, and I started to feel a bit better and would only cramp every now and then, Friday the same, and then Saturday was a bit better. This has been off and on since the surgery. Thankfully the cramping has gone away, but still discomfort. Especially if I stand or sit too long. That puts extra pressure on my cervix so makes it even more sore. I pretty much have gone to work this week, and then gone straight home to lay down and not get up!!
Monday, August 30th, was 7 months since my angels entered this world. I was achy, sore, it was my first day back at work, and was VERY emotional for me. I just could not stop crying. I just wish my babies could have been saved. This is the worst pain I have ever had to deal with. Losing a child I would not wish upon anyone, even my worst enemy. As mentioned before though, I have sought a lot of comfort in speaking to my mom friends that have also experienced a loss. They were all there for me too after my surgery. I got e-mails and texts from each of them! I had an awesome support system during my recovery. It was just a VERY extremely emotional ride for me... and not only me, but for my husband too!!
The discomfort still comes and goes and the doctor said it will prob last for 3-4 WEEKS!!! crazy, but all worth it in the end!
After all that happened on Monday, Billy and I were just very nervous for baby # 3. We just wanted to make sure he/she was healthy. Well finally Tuesday, August 31st, had come and it was time for our cerclage check-up! We went in to the U/S room and the second the sonographer put the thing on my tummy, our beautiful baby pooped up on the screen and was very active! Our minds were at ease!! I asked about the heart and what not, and when could they tell how he/she was doing anatomy wise. We were told prob not til about 16-18 weeks, but she did look at the heart and could tell that our lil one had 4 healthy chambers!! dr P walked in and his first words were, Wow! Look at that profile, thats one cute baby! Of course he/she is!! Taylor and Riley were absolutely gorgeous and we know # 3 will be just as perfect!
We asked when can we find out the sex. The sonographer started to toy around and man o man 3 was not shy at all! Legs were spread wide open. DrP said he does not like making assumptions/guesses that early on, i am 14 weeks, but it was quite obvious we are having a baby BOY!!!! The sonographer said, "If its not a boy, then I have no idea what that is!!" and then the doctor explained that girls can sometimes be swollen, and it may look like a boy at that time, but once the baby gets bigger, the swelling goes down. Our sonographer agreed, but then said, "yeah thats true, but its not usually that big!" LOL. So we are pretty positive we are having a baby boy! 2 beautiful baby girls and now a handsome baby boy! we are beyond excited! Of course, we werent very biased as to the sex of this lil one, all we were/are praying for is full term and healthy!
If in fact 3 is a boy, his name will be Charles William Young III --after his grandpa and dad! And his nickname will be Three!! because he will be the 3rd CWY and our 3rd child! We are very excited!! Grandpa Abreu is already planning his baseball career, and Billys already been searching for yankees clothes! LOL.
On Monday, August 23rd, I had my cervical cerclage put in. For those of you who are unaware of what that is, it's a stitch the doctor has placed on my cervix to stitch it hope to HOPEFULLY prevent me from going into pre-term labor again. This was a HUGE deal for my husband and I bc this stitch is what is going to save my baby's life. Just wish they would have thought to put one in for my beautiful daughters :( . There is no guarantee that the stitch will hold to 37 weeks, but we are all very optimistic that it will! At 37 weeks, around February 8th, Dr P will remove the cerclage and at any time after that I will be ok to go in to labor. I've heard stories on what could possibly happen : 1. The stitch does not hold until 37 weeks, and I may have to have a 2nd cerclage put in, or if I am far enough along, i go in to labor 2. At 37 weeks, after the stitch is removed I go in to labor right away, or a few days later 3. because of all of the scar tissue that will be building around my cervix bc of the stitch, it is possible that I am unable to have a vaginal birth bc my cervix will not allow it, and the doctor will have to induce me and deliver via C-section. We are praying for scenario # 2!!
Ok, now on to "that" day... Monday morning I was a ball of nerves, literally. I have been full of nerves every week leading up to the cerclage, and on Monday it was even worse. I was nervous for baby #3 and was nervous to be back in the operating room- not too nervous about the actual procedure. Dr P chose to have me go to the outpatient hospital for the procedure. I am thinking he did this knowing how I was feeling about being back in the OR at Baby Place, the same OR that i delivered my Riley in. Well, Billy and I pulled in to the hospital and after filling out the proper paperwork, we took a seat in the waiting room. A few minutes had gone by, maybe 30, and all of a sudden I heard a panicked voice coming from the lady sitting near us. She was leaning over her Husband, that was hunched over in his chair, screaming "Mike! Mike!". I looked over and saw that the man's joints were starting to lock up and he was having a seizure. His wife was in a panic. All of a sudden, he lifted his head and his pupils were HUGE and then he started making a screaming/moaning sound. I usually would help him, but being that we were in a hospital, and the nurses were there, and the fact that I was already EXTREMELY nervous about my procedure, I felt my chest start to tighten, I started to go in to a panic attack and started to tear up and we had to walk out. I felt so bad. How bad did that look that this poor man is in a full blown seizure and I had to walk out of the room. Well, at that point there was no way I would have been able to stay in that room, I was too shaken up. I felt so HORRIBLE for that man, and prayed that he would be ok. I soon found out that it seemed as if the man had a neurological disorder so that is what triggered his seizure, they all said he would be ok and he was sent to the ER.
Well, Billy and I went back inside, and then my name was called right away. They told me I had to go in ALONE!!!! I was freaking out! The nurse was very nice, and I had to change in to my gown and she had to start an IV. Of course by this point my tears were rolling. After I was all set, they allowed Billy and my parents to come in and wait with me. dr P came in and discussed everything with us. and I also met with the Anesthesiologist. We had decided to do a spinal. I did not want to be sedated.
Well wide awake they wheeled me, and me alone, in to the OR. Dr P was right there with me. As soon as I looked over at that tiny operating table, I lost it. I was a complete mess! They asked me to scoot on to the table from my bed and the entire time all i kept picturing was being in the OR with Riley, and the nurses having to pull me on to the operating table from my bed sheets. It was horrible being in there, wide awake, and without my husband. Dr P kept reminding me this is a whole new ball game. A whole new pregnancy, a differernt OR and COMPLETELY different circumstances. He tried his best to calm me down. After a lil while the Anesthesiologist started to prepare me for my spinal. I was so nervous, I HATE needles! Well he put one shot in, and i thought that was it... Wow was I wrong, that was just the numbing shot!! Then he put the Spinal in. I started to feel my feet tingle and get a lil heavy, but I was not a numb as they had hoped I would be. They started to prepare me, strap my legs up in the harnesses again, and i was really fidgity. It was mainly from my nerves. Time passed and I was just not settling down, and could still feel things, and the A kept asking if he could sedate me a bit. i kept refusing, but eventually, he asked again, and I said "Whatever Dr P wants me to do." he said that he thought that would be for the best. i asked a thousand questions on the effects it could possibly have on baby # 3, bc I was not going to do anything that would hurt my child, but he advised me that the baby would be fine, so I gave the ok, the A gave me the meds, and before I knew it i was passed out!
I woke up to at first nothing, but that was bc the meds were still in me! After a few minutes passed the pain started to sink in. Oh my did I have MAJOR cramping. The nurses, and doctors offered to give me pain meds, but I was already not happy about being sedated, and the pain meds were definately out of the question. I was not putting my child's well being at risk all for a bit of pain. I sucked it up. The doctor said I could take a lighter dose of pain meds, like Advil, but of course, I refused that too!
Billy and I got to leave a few hours later, and the pain had subsided a LITTLE. I was still in a lot of pain. We had decided to stay at the Vinoy, bc the doctor said it would not be good for me to use stairs right away, so we just went to the resort! Right away I climbed in to bed and did not want to get up. The pain hurt no matter what position I laid in, but was worse when i was sitting/standing so laying was my only option. Just as I would start to feel better, and the cramping would slow down, of course I would have to go to the restroom. Then every time I got up to do that, the pain/cramping/discomfort would come back! It was a lose/lose situation... get up and hurt, or stay in bed and hold it and potentially get a bladder infection.
Well each day got a lil better. Tuesday I was still real crampy/sore and Wednesday too. Thursday came, and I started to feel a bit better and would only cramp every now and then, Friday the same, and then Saturday was a bit better. This has been off and on since the surgery. Thankfully the cramping has gone away, but still discomfort. Especially if I stand or sit too long. That puts extra pressure on my cervix so makes it even more sore. I pretty much have gone to work this week, and then gone straight home to lay down and not get up!!
Monday, August 30th, was 7 months since my angels entered this world. I was achy, sore, it was my first day back at work, and was VERY emotional for me. I just could not stop crying. I just wish my babies could have been saved. This is the worst pain I have ever had to deal with. Losing a child I would not wish upon anyone, even my worst enemy. As mentioned before though, I have sought a lot of comfort in speaking to my mom friends that have also experienced a loss. They were all there for me too after my surgery. I got e-mails and texts from each of them! I had an awesome support system during my recovery. It was just a VERY extremely emotional ride for me... and not only me, but for my husband too!!
The discomfort still comes and goes and the doctor said it will prob last for 3-4 WEEKS!!! crazy, but all worth it in the end!
After all that happened on Monday, Billy and I were just very nervous for baby # 3. We just wanted to make sure he/she was healthy. Well finally Tuesday, August 31st, had come and it was time for our cerclage check-up! We went in to the U/S room and the second the sonographer put the thing on my tummy, our beautiful baby pooped up on the screen and was very active! Our minds were at ease!! I asked about the heart and what not, and when could they tell how he/she was doing anatomy wise. We were told prob not til about 16-18 weeks, but she did look at the heart and could tell that our lil one had 4 healthy chambers!! dr P walked in and his first words were, Wow! Look at that profile, thats one cute baby! Of course he/she is!! Taylor and Riley were absolutely gorgeous and we know # 3 will be just as perfect!
We asked when can we find out the sex. The sonographer started to toy around and man o man 3 was not shy at all! Legs were spread wide open. DrP said he does not like making assumptions/guesses that early on, i am 14 weeks, but it was quite obvious we are having a baby BOY!!!! The sonographer said, "If its not a boy, then I have no idea what that is!!" and then the doctor explained that girls can sometimes be swollen, and it may look like a boy at that time, but once the baby gets bigger, the swelling goes down. Our sonographer agreed, but then said, "yeah thats true, but its not usually that big!" LOL. So we are pretty positive we are having a baby boy! 2 beautiful baby girls and now a handsome baby boy! we are beyond excited! Of course, we werent very biased as to the sex of this lil one, all we were/are praying for is full term and healthy!
If in fact 3 is a boy, his name will be Charles William Young III --after his grandpa and dad! And his nickname will be Three!! because he will be the 3rd CWY and our 3rd child! We are very excited!! Grandpa Abreu is already planning his baseball career, and Billys already been searching for yankees clothes! LOL.
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