December 2010

Wow, I cant belive a month has gone by since my last blog post. So much has happened this past month that I dont know where to begin!!
 
I will begin at our 28 week update for 3. Billy and I went in to the office, nervous as usual; You just never know what the doctor is going to tell you!! Well, we reviewed the ultrasounds and looks like we are going to have one very healthy baby boy! At 28 weeks he was weighing 2lbs 12oz. This marked one of our other big milestones. Since I was 28 weeks, it was now when my cervix would start to change on its own and that would be ok. Plus since 3 was starting to grow faster, my cervix was not as visible in the ultrasound, so it was harder to keep measuring it. So our appointments after this one started to go to every 2 weeks instead of weekly. I didnt know how to feel about this. I mean waiting a week to see my son and make sure he was ok was long enough, but now 2 weeks?! Thankfully, the following week was pretty busy for Billy and I, so we had a lot to pre-occupy our minds with. I did have some back pain during the following week, so I didnt let Dr Prieto off too easily, i did make a phone call to him to make sure the pain I was feeling was normal, and of course he said it was. Other than that I didnt really have any scary episodes, and the week went by pretty fast for us.
 
During that week, actually December 11th was my first baby shower! Wow, was it fun!! My Tia Chucha custom made all of the decorations for it and my mom and sisters pulled it all off! My theme was an elephant theme like 3's nursery. I think all of the guests enjoyed it as well! We played a few games, and some of them were quite comical! We played a game where you freeze a lil baby in an ice cube tray and then each person has to suck the cube until they get to the baby! The kicker was that it wasnt frozen water that was used to freeze the babies in, it was limeade! Most people werent expecting that! I actually enjoyed the sour bitterness. Weird what happens to your taste buds when you are pregnant! I received a ton of gifts, and what made it even better was that I was able to spend time with family and friends I havent seen in a while! At the end of the shower my aunt had a bundle of balloons in her hand and they started to take off. She jumped up and managed to grab all but 2 balloons. To me that was a sign that my girls were watching over us. Those 2 balloons went up to my beautiful angels. It was a very emotional and quite soothing feeling for me.
 
The following weekend, December 18th was my 2nd shower. My mother in law and sister in law threw it for me! Once again, it was a lot of fun, even though Billy didnt think so!! My theme for this shower was "My little Prince". It was decorated very nicely as well! For this shower Grandpa Young wanted to attend, so at the last minute we made it co-ed! Billy participated in some of the games as well. He actually tasted all of the baby foods that we passed around for people to guess what they were, you should have seen his face with some of them!! At the end of this shower, I took my neices outside and each of them released balloons again to go to Heaven for Taylor and Riley. My nieces were so excited to do it. All they kept talking about was how they released balloons for Taylor and Riley. It was very sweet.
 
I remember getting ready for the 2nd shower and Billy was with his dad. He texted and called me a few times, and I think bc he was actually attending this shower it hit him a little harder. He was excited for the shower for our son, but then also was emotional about not being able to have one for our daughters. It is difficult for us at times, but at the same time we have someone to look forward to... our son CWY III.
 
The following week we had our 30 week appt. At this appt they didnt do too much. They just checked and made sure he was moving and tried to get a cervical measurement. Boy did that hurt!! Bc 3 is growing, it was hard to see my cervix bc there was a shadow on the ultrasound, so I had to lay flat on my back and Dr. Prieto was digging the camera thing into my stomache to try and get the measurement. I was happy when that was over!! My cervix was still measuring about 3.8cm. This had me worried a lil bit bc unlike before when we were worried about my cervix shortening, now my cervix wasnt shortening at all and was at the same measurement that it had been for the past few weeks. Dr Prieto had advised us this may happen due to the scar tissue that builds around my cervix bc of the cerclage. This also increases my chances of having to have a c-section, which i would prefer not to have!
 
Now came Christmas. whoo... that was hard. My daughters were supposed to be here. They were supposed to be in their little "1st Christmas" dresses with little bows in their hair. Instead, they were celebrating in Heaven with Jesus. Billy and I really didnt get too into the Christmas spirit this year. It was my first year without putting up a tree in our house. I did of course put a tree on Taylor and Riley's gravesite. I remember going to Michael's to buy the mini tree and decorations for it. It was so hard thinking about what I was actually doing, and that I wasnt at home putting up a tree with my almost 1 year olds. There was a lil baby in line while i was waiting to check out and she resembled Taylor. I started to cry in line but held it together as much as possible. When I got in my car I just completely broke down. I spent the next few days trying to decorate the tree perfectly. I mean after all it was my daughters' first Christmas tree. after finding the ornaments, angel for the top, and flowers for it, I finally took it to their site. As the days/weeks went by their site was filled with more Christmas cheer. My dad took them two mini snow globes, my mother in law placed beautiful flowers around their head stone and my Tia Chucha made an arrangement for their vase. It was all very nice.
 
Christmas Eve started off ok. We were at my parents house for the typical Cuban Christmas Eve.. pig and all. I was ok at the beginning, but as the night went on it started to get harder. My twin nephews were there, and I couldnt help but think about my twin daughters and how they should be their with their cousins. And then came the passing out of the gifts. I had printed out a poem for each person in the family. It was titled, "Our first Christmas is Heaven." A friend from work gave it to me for my brother in law a few years back when his mother passed away, and I had kept it all of these years. I started to read it and thought it would be nice to have for my girls. I typed it out and placed mine in my house in a frame and gave all of my family one to keep as well.  This is the poem, and I just changed "my" to "our" for my girls:
 
My First Christmas in Heaven
I see the countless
Christmas trees
around the world below
With tiny lights, like Heaven's stars,
reflecting on the snow The sight is so spectacular,
please wipe away the tear
For I am spending Christmas with
Jesus Christ this year.
I hear the many Christmas songs
that people hold so dear
But the sounds of music can't compare
with the Christmas choir up here.
I have no words to tell you,
the joy their voices bring,
For it is beyond description,
to hear the angels sing.
I know how much you miss me,
I see the pain inside your heart.
But I am not so far away,
We really aren't apart.
So be happy for me, dear ones,
You know I hold you dear.
And be glad I'm spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year.
I sent you each a special gift,
from my heavenly home above.
I sent you each a memory
of my undying love.
After all, love is a gift more precious
than pure gold.
was always most important
the stories Jesus told.
Please love and keep each other,
my Father said to do.
I can't count the blessing or love
has for each of you.
So have a Merry Christmas and
Wipe away that tear
Remember, I am spending Christmas with
Jesus Christ this year
 
As I was passing out the gifts, I had printed a special copy for my abuela in spanish. I asked my aunt to read it to her, and make sure what I wrote was correct. I'm not too good with translations!! I think thats when it all sank in. I tried to suck it up a little longer but i just couldnt. I lost it and had to run to the back bedroom in hopes that no one saw me. Of course, I was seen!! My cousin and my cousin's girlfriend both saw me take off crying. They went and got Billy and he came in to soothe me. I was a complete mess. We both decided that i had been there long enough and it was time to go home and try to calm down. I didnt really get a chance to say goodbye to all of my family bc I was too upset. I felt bad about that, but then again knew I needed to just go home and have some peace and quiet with my husband. The following morning Billy and I dropped gifts off to our nieces, went to my parents house for breakfast, went to meet Billy's parents for brunch and then went to the cemetery to spend time with our girls. It was a really rough day for the both of us. For the rest of the day we just stayed home, just me, Billy and our dogs and watched movies and relaxed as a family. And of course Billy was trying to keep me as calm as possible for the sake of Baby Billy.
 
As I was explaining to my sister a few weeks ago. This has been an extremely hard process for me. Not only am I grieving the loss of my daughters, but I also cant fully express my emotions bc I dont want to stress 3 or induce preterm labor again,a nd I am still worried and stressing for the health of my son and wanting him to be healthy. I hate it when I start to get upset bc of my girls and then people say to me.. "you have to be calm for 3, you need to be strong for your son." I feel like saying, "No shit I need to be calm for my son, but at the same time I am still grieving the loss of my daughters and I am doing the best I can to keep it in and trying not to stress." Its just all really hard.
 
At times I think about my girls and just want to cry and never stop. But I know thats not healthy for me, and it definitely isnt healthy for my son growing inside me... so I just try to take deep breaths and find some means to relax.
 
The week after Christmas I was able to organize and clean my house! Billy helped a lot! There are still things here and there that need to be done, but we pretty much got the big stuff out of the way. I made room for his bottles in the kitchen, we cleaned out drawers and got rid of a TON of stuff, and I was able to finish the nursery!! Of course I had a lot of help from friends and family bc there was no way I could have done it all by myself! It feels good knowing its all ready for him!
 
My son has been one active little fella! He is constantly moving and his new favorite spot for his legs/feet is right under the right side of my ribs! Most pregnant women would get annoyed at all of the movement and uncomfortableness, but I enjoy every single minute of it!! Billy has tried multiple times to record his movements, but they are hard to actually see on the camera. My family also keeps wanting to feel him, but he is VERY shy! Everytime i say, feel he's moving, the second a hand goes on my tummy he stops! Many have been able to see him move though, they just cant feel it bc he stops as soon as anyone touches my stomache. Guess he wants to keep that as something between just his momma and him!
 
A few mornings I have woken up and not felt him. Man do I panick! The other day I woke up and didnt feel him, i took a shower, did my hair and started to do my make-up and still nothing. I freaked out. Billy made me stop what I was doing to go eat and lay down. I ate a bowl of cereal and then laid down for a bit and of course, he started moving! Ugh, talk about being scared to death!!

 This week we had our 32 week appointment and it was time for them to take measurements on him again. My son is weighing in at 4lbs 6oz!! He's getting to be a big boy!! His head is measuring a few weeks ahead of schedule. At first we thought that could be a sign of something, but the sonographer checked it all out and measured everything and all looked to be fine and healthy. He is just going to have a big head like his cousins did!! My nephew Trace had a huge head and so did my neice Anna, so I guess that just runs in the Young family. My doctor didnt seem worried about it either, so all is good so far!! Dr. Prieto predicted 3 will weigh about 8.5 - 9lbs when he is born!! Thats one big baby im going to be having!! I kind of expected that. the Young side has big babies, my nephew was 9lb 1oz and my neice was almost 10lbs!!!
 
My stitch will be cut out anytime between Feb. 1st- Feb. 10th and then I am free to go in to labor anytime after the 8th! the 8th is when i will be 37 weeks and that is considered full term. So my son can be here in 5 weeks!!! I'm thinking he will come around week 38, but we shall see!!
 
I'm very nervous about the delivery process bc I had so many complications with Riley. I am praying that I do not hemorhage again. My Dr seems pretty optimistic about things, so all I can do is stay positive.
 
The past few weeks have been so busy for us, so finally things are dying down and Billy and I have time to relax and spend quality time together before our son comes.
 
Over the next few weeks we are going to begin putting together all of our big gifts, like the strollers, car seat, swing, etc. Billy was anxious to start putting things together, so the first item he chose was the highchair! Haha, my son will not be needing that for a while, so it's been folded up in our kitchen for the past few weeks!
 
We are still debating on what to do for Taylor and Riley's 1 year. I still cannot believe its been a year already. We are debating on if we will want that day to be alone and do things just him and I to honor our girls, or if we are going to want to do a little memorial at their site with close family and friends and then do a brunch afterwards. This is why we havent started putting together 3's big items yet, bc we want to have as much room as possible in our house in case we decide to do a brunch. I guess we still have 3 weeks to figure that all out.
 
Next week we are visiting our possible soon to be pediatrician. We want to meet with him to make sure he is what we are looking for before settling on a pediatrician. We figured over the next few weeks we will be ready to make a decision! I am very excited to meet with him. This is all becoming so real to me!!
 
Also, next week I have to do my final lab tests/blood tests. They will be checking my blood counts to make sure they are high enough, if they aren't I will have to be put on iron pills for the next few weeks up until the delivery. I had to take the pills after Taylor and Riley bc of all of my transfusions. This is my main fear. I am so scared of bleeding out again. I do not want to go through that again, and definitely do not want my husband to be put through the stress of witnessing that again.
 
Well, that's pretty much it so far... I will try to update again as soon as I get another chance!! We set up the date my cerclage comes out at my next appt on the 19th!! Cant believe my son is almost here!! I am so excited and anxious!