October 15, 2010

Wow!! A lot has happened since my last blog, I just dont know where to begin!!
 
My last blog entry ended with me wondering what I should do about the progesterone shots. Billy and I spoke to our doctor and asked what his opinion was. He advised us that he did not necessarily think we HAD to have them right now. Like I mentioned before, the situation this time is a bit different- One baby, a cerclage, weekly doctor vistits, etc- so we figured we would trust our doctor and not take the shots. He said that if need be that I can begin them if we start to see a change in my cervix, but hopefully it wont come down to that.
 
We have also been advised that we should not travel any further than an hour away from the hospital beginning at 20 weeks. Billy and I had a lot coming up, including our anniversary,and have been EXTREMELY stressed, so we decided to take advantage of the few weeks we had left, so we decided that a vacation would be good for us. Oh man, the stress that came along with planning a vacation!! At 17 weeks, we decided to take a road trip.  We were going to go to Tennessee, but flying was a little nerve racking to us. Our doctor approved for me to fly, however, I have read studies that show flying can induce labor so I was not about to take that chance even if i had the approval from one of the best OB's ever!! But then to drive to TN would be rough on me too, my doctor said driving that far wouldnt be too good and we would also have to stop every 2-3 hours for me to get out and walk... so seeings as that would cause pressure on my cervix sitting that long, we decided TN was a no go. Plus it was like 13 hours away from home, so that also made us a little worried.
 
Billy, the awesome vacation planner that he is, mapped out a road trip for us. This was very spontaneous and planned within a few days. We set out on our vacation on Saturday 9/18 and our first stop was in Jacksonville to visit his best friend Ryan. We havent seen Ryan and Heather since the girls' funeral, so we thought it'd be nice to say hi to them. We hung out and stayed over night. We woke up Sunday morning and headed to Savannah, Ga. We stayed at the Bohemian Hotel. We walked up and down the streets (even though the walking was kind of rough for me, so we had to make frequent stops to rest!), we ate lots of food and just enjoyed the water and the town. We ate lunch at the "Lady and Sons" restaurant, which is Paula Deen's restaurant. It was some good southern cookin-- Fried Chicken, Mashed potatoes and gravy, biscuits, lima beans, collard greens, macaroni and cheese, etc. I topped it all off with some banana pudding! Yummy! After that we ate at one of the haunted restaurants for dinner.
 
On Monday morning we headed to our 3rd destination... Hilton Head, SC. We LOVED it. We stayed at the Westin and it was a very relaxing time. The beach was gorgeous and very isolated. The food was delicious!! We stayed there Monday and Tuesday night and then decided we had enough and wanted to come home. We had originally planned on stopping a few other places on the way home, but our nerves had gotten the best of us.
 
While in Savannah we were getting worried about every little thing and were scared of being so far away from the hospital if something were to happen. We almost came home that day!! We decided to stick it out, and seeings as though I was only 17 weeks pregnant, there would not be too much that could be done if something did turn for the worse, so we figured we would continue our vacation. While in Hilton Head it was very nerve wracking too, so that's why we chose to come home on Wednesday.
 
Along the way of our road trip we got a little side tracked and went the wrong way. As we were a little frustrated we came across two street signs-- the signs had the names of our daughters. We knew then that there was a reason for getting "lost". I always look at those things as signs from our beautiful angels and feel its their way of letting us know they are watching over us.
 
I wish that we could be like almost every other pregnant couple and just go on vacation without a worry, but for us it is a constant battle. Billy and I both have no where near come to peace with the loss of our girls, and the constant worry of our son has realy gotten the best of us. We are trying to stay strong, but it has been really difficult. It's amazing how many people try to tell us that we should be "over it" or "accept it" or "focus on this pregnancy and not your girls" etc... Those people obviously have NO idea what its like to lose a child, let alone 2. Or you get the people that cant grasp that this will be our 3rd child and not 1st!! I look at them and wonder what the heck they are thinking! I did not have a miscarriage I had a live birth, and my daughters were alive. What makes them any less of our children bc they were only alive a few hours? NOTHING!!! I am their mom, Billy is their dad, and they are and will forever be our BEAUTIFUL Perfect daughters.
 
While in South Carolina we found an ice cream parlor that sold Smurf ice cream!! Oh man was that yummy, and ever since we left I have been craving more of it! I came home from work one day and my husband had surprised me with a tub of it! he FINALLY found Smurf again in our area! The local parlor that sold Smurf is no longer in business, so thankfully he found a new one.
 
Another craving I have had are Clark Bars. I had never eaten one before but had heard stories of them. Billys mom used to crave them while she was pregnant with Billy. Well, one day while visiting Billys dad I saw one in the "junk food box"! I decided to try it! Man was thata bad idea :) I had been craving them since! Once again, like my Smurf craving, Clark bars are very hard to find. I had searched and searched for them... FINALLY, while shopping at Michaels one day I saw a "retro-candy" section and there they were!! Now I know where to find them!!
 
Craving # 3 was Worlds Finest Chocolate bars!! I remembered selling those in elementary school for fundraisers for $1. No clue where the craving came from, but lately thats all that had been on my mind. My neices dont sell them at school, I asked my aunt if my cousins kids sold them at their schools and they didnt either... NO ONE sells them anymore!! Of course, my thoughtful husband knew of my craving and managed to order some online!! He had 15 bars shipped! 10 milk chocolate and 5 almond! They came in a lil box and he had a lil message for me and 3 in the box! it was very sweet of him and now all of my cravings have been conquered!! haha
 
Also in my previous blog i mentioned wanting to feel Baby Billy kick. Well that time arrived while we were on vacation!! In the past week or so he has been moving SO much!! I love feeling him. He is still too small for Billy to feel the movement, but man o man do i feel him!
 
We are now going weekly to our doctor visits. I LOVE it! It has helped keep us a little less stressed, but of course the stress is ALWAYS there!! At our 20 week appt yesterday Baby Billy was measuring 14 ounces!! That is bigger than Riley was, she was 12. Billy and I have been stressed lately bc that BIG milestone is coming close... 21 weeks and 6 days. So far all is looking well, our son is healthy and my cervix is still looking good. the past 3 weeks it has been measuring 4.3 which is good. Hopefully the cerclage worked!!
 
September 13th my nephew Trace William entered the world at 9lbs 1oz! he was a chubby little guy, but is of course very cute!
 
Then on September 30, 2010 my sister went in to labor. My nephews were born at 36 weeks and Luke Alexander weighed 5lbs 2 oz and Evan Joshua weighed 4lbs 11oz. They didnt have such an easy time as Trace did. They both were in the NICU and Evan was able to go home on 10/10 and Luke was able to go home on 10/14! so now they are at home and happy!!
 
that day was a hard day for me. I was so happy for my sister and my nephews, but it was also hard. Her boys were supposed to be welcomed by their twin cousins. I know my girls were looking down on them and making sure they would be healthy. The 30th was also Taylor and Riley's 8 month Angel-versary. The 30th of every month is so hard for me... I mean everyday is hard, but the 30th is even worse.
 
Ive been having quite a bit of "bad" days recently. It's hard accepting they are gone forever.  I finally finished the angels I made for their site! I think they turned out beautifully!! I placed them under the girls bench. I figured this way they wouldnt get too beat up from the heat, rain, etc...
 
I have recently started trying to think of what to do with the nursery for 3. I went in there the other day and tried to start putting away Taylor and Rileys things in the trunk my dad made for them, but that was way too difficult. I figure I have time to do it and in time I will find the strength to do it.
 
Billy and I also wanted to begin 3's registry. We started getting ready on Sunday to go, but our nerves got the best of us and we were not able to do it yet. Everything is just so hard.
 
Well, i guess that has been my month in a nut shell!!