Thursday was seriously one of the worst nights I had since my girls past away. I have been under a lot of stress, worry, anxiety, etc and Thursday it all hit me so hard. I felt like a huge truck was just sitting on my chest and would not get off. I couldnt breathe, couldnt relax, tried everything and i just couldnt get a breathe. It was almost to the point where i thought i was gonna have to make a trip to the ER.
I went and saw my counselor and was able to get most of my anxiety out... i drove through Starbucks on the way to my appointment, and the lady that handed me my drink could tell i was having a rough day, and she was so sincere and nice. After counseling i thought the day would be better, like it usually is after counseling, but man was i wrong!
That night I went to dinner with my girl friend, Aelon, and was hysterical. I was crying and couldnt stop... i have tried so hard not to break down in public. and there it went, i am sure people were staring wondering what was going on. It felt good, at that point i kind of didnt care what people were thinking.
I came home and had a complete break down. Thank God Billy was home. He was able to calm me a little.
On Friday, i woke up and really was not feeling well. My chest hurt so bad. Its horrible missing someone, and in my case 2 someones, and not being able to see them, talk to them, etc...
I miss my daughters SO much, and that is an understatment... I just cant find the right words to totally grasp how much i miss them.
Friday night I baked cupcakes for our little get together on Staurday. My friend Melissa and my sister came over to help. It was weird, at one point I wanted to do everything, These were for my girls, for the people that were coming over after the MOD walk in memory of taylor and riley. I felt like this was something that i would be doing for them while they were alive, and i just wanted to do it al by myself. I didnt want help decorating, but then i realized i was prob being silly and it didnt matter if I had help decorating them... They were so cute... and yummy!
Im getting a little tired, this weekend wore me out... Ill finish the blog tomorrow!
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