April 7th

These past few days went well. Everyday is getting a little easier. I still cant walk through baby sections without thinking about my girls, and how cute they would have looked in dresses and bows, but its something i need to live with. Ive been to their grave a few times this week. Its so peaceful... Easter was hard for us, but their site is filled with love. They have two little easter baskets I made for them and two bunnies that their Aunt Michelle and Uncle Pat got them. And a pretty little rose bush from Grandma Young... They have so much stuff at their site!! Its so filled with love. Every time we go we cant help buut look at the llittle 12 year old boys site next to our girls. Its so sad, all he has on his is a little skate board, and now he has 2 skate boards and a plant. There is no headstone. Our parents and us have discussed pitching in to get him a headstone. Every child that passes deserves one. The parent just probably couldnt afford it. Funerals are so expensive and the headstones are as well...

Billy and I are so thankful to have been able to afford only the best for our girls. Our families also helped, everyone wanted to take part in their service and site.

Billy and I have discussed sitting down every night for about an hour to just talk about things. Talk about how the day went, and talk about our daughters and how we are each doing with the grieving process. I think its really good for both of us to understand what each others going through. EVERYONE grieves differently, this is something we have come to realize.

I am still having bad dreams at night. Im hoping that one day they will go away.

I meet with the counselor again tomorrow, so i know my emotions will be full force!!

The other day I recieved horrible news. A family friend of our was 16 weeks pregnant and lost her baby this week. My heart aches for her. I couldnt help but cry and relive what I went through. Although her loss was considered a miscarriage and mine a live birth, i still ache for her. 16 weeks... at 16 weeks i was pretty big. My tummy was growing fast, I couldnt even imagine them considering my babies at 16 weeks a miscarriage. So sad...

Why do these things have to happen? Why does God bring us this much pain? I know there is a reason and every day i ask the Lord for answers. We are so thankful to have HIM in our lives. He is what is going to help pull us through.

Lately I have been getting irritated a lot. Over the littlest things... I think I am just stressed.

I am looking forward to our MOD walk on the 24th. My cousin, Adam, designed shirts for our team... they are adorable. Cant wait to get them in!