March 22, 2010

This weekend went by too quick! Dont all weekends? Well Saturday I had a better day. Billy and I really didnt do too much. I slept in for once! Billy and I stayed around the house catching up on our TVO. Then my niece, Teyja, went with me to go pick up the dogs from my parents house. It was nice having her with me. She is so precious!

My mom has our baby picures up in the hall way. i was showing Teyja the pictures and couldnt help to look at mine and see Riley. She looked EXACTLY like I did as a baby. Literally a spitting image! Then we went outside and teyja played on the swing my dad made.

It was nice to see my parents and see my dogs again! They were so excited to see me. Joba would not leave my side! They bring comfort to me. They know when Im feeling down and always are there to cheer me up.

Sunday was o.k. - Once again we really didnt do to much. I got up and started getting ready for church and ended up not going, bc i had to take billy to the doctor! He is allergic to bugs, and got bit by something. His arm looked like it was having an allergic reaction, but now he has some lotion to put on it, and some meds, so he is ok. The swelling has gone down and his arm isnt as itchy as it was!

Lately I havent had too much of an appetite. Everytime I eat I feel sick. I know its just my nerves.

Today wasnt that good of a day. A lady came in to work to request information for her TWINS. of course that made me think of my twins! Its hard to grasp that this is real. It hurts, and it feels like the pain isnt getting any better, only worse. I came home and once again have felt comforted by Billy. He has helped, and he has also realized that I dont appear to be healing- more like my pain has gotten worse. My hospice nurse, jane, had given me info on support groups for women that have lost a child. I think I am going to give her a call about this.

Pain is normal. I think before I tried to keep it in, and now I am letting it out. I think this may be my first step on how to heal.

On another note, I am happy to say we have reached our goal for the March of Dimes! we are over 5K! so of course, we increased our goal... trying to get as much possible for this great cause!