Dinner

Last night I had dinner with a father who too lost a child. His child was not a baby, his son, Ehren, died a few days before his 21st birthday. Ehren was a soldier... to this day his father, Mike, has not been able to recieve closure. Mike is not exactly sure how Ehren died.

I could not even imagine what the past 2 years have been like for Mike. We were able to chit chat about our experiences. Ive always wondered if it would be worse to lose a child the way we did... always wondering what could have been. Wondering about Taylor and Riley's eye color, their voices, their laughs, wondering what they would have looked like in their closet full of clothes. Or would it be worse to have lost them later on in their life. Knowing what they were like, what their dreams were, having all of the memories of their childhood. Mike and I discussed this and we both came to the same assumption, there is nothing worse than losing a child period. There is no way to compare pain, he is in pain, i am in pain. Although we have two seperate circumstances, the outcome is the same... we have both experienced the most painful loss. We both had to bury our children.

It was nice to talk to him and see how much progress he has made since losing Ehren. It still hurts, it always will, but he has managed to keep on with his life. It gives me assurance that one day I will be able to keep on. I will be able to go about my days a little easier.

I have also reached out to another mother, Amanda, that lost her son 4 years ago to preterm labor. I look forward to speaking to her soon. I just think I need to build my courage up a little more before I give her a call. Its nice to know that I have people to reach out to, even if they are strangers.

Today was a little easier for me... Hopefully the rest of the week will be.