Bittersweet

I have been e-mailing back and forth with other mother's recently. One mother is a mother of twins, a son and daughter duo. Her story was very close to mine. She went in to labor at 21 weeks and the doctors gave her the same stuff they gave me to slow our contractions. The meds only slowed my contractions for a few hours, they slowed hers for 10 WEEKS! It's crazy how everyone's body reacts differently to things. She lost her son, Patrick, but they were able to save her beautiful little girl.

After reading her e-mail to me it was bittersweet. She is so blessed to have her daughter here with her. I often wonder, would it make the grieving process less hurtful if the doctors were able to save my Riley? And how come those meds didn’t work for me? I can honestly say I don’t think it would have made me hurt any less. I miss both of my beautiful girls. It pains me to even look at baby pictures of myself bc all I see in them is Riley. She was a clone of me, I swear!

When I close my eyes all I see is the image of my beautiful daughters. They looked so peaceful that day.

I know God has a plan. He for some reason needed both of my beautiful little girls in Heaven with him. The bible says that God has a purpose for everyone, I guess my little girls fulfilled their purpose during their short time with us. I hope one day I will know and be able to understand what that purpose was.

My aunt and uncle came to visit me yesterday. It was nice seeing them. We went to lunch and went to the cemetery. My aunt made a beautiful arrangement for the girls vase that is on their headstone. Its so full of love. She also had two angel figurines that we put on the top of their headstone, I figure Ill leave them there for a few weeks and then take them to my house to put in the yard next to the Angel my mother in law got for us.


"A moment in my arms... Forever in my heart."