Stupid medical Bills...

Seriously… Seriously? My husband and I got a bill in the mail today from BCBS. It is a bill for Taylor and Riley. Ive gotten plenty of stuff for my care, but never thought I would get any for them, because nothing was done to them. There was no time in the NICU, nothing. I barely got 2 hours with them… and yet I am being sent a bill?

This is what was going through my head this morning…

I called BCBS today and they said to call my HR department and add the girls to my policy for that one day. That just sounds absurd to me…Like I should have thought about adding my girls for one day, when nothing was even done to them… no tests, no trach, nothing…

I called my HR dept and they told me I had 60 days to add the girls to my policy and that time has elapsed…but they were going to look in to this further given the circumstances; seriously? I just got a freaking bill for this, how was I to know that I would need to add them. No one said anything to me about that. From my constant calls to BCBS they told me all maternity care was covered, now 3 months later I get a bill for Taylor and Riley and there is nothing I can do about it bc 60 days has gone by? Like I was supposed to know I would go in to labor early and needed to add them right away. Seriously people, like I don’t have it hard enough having to live day by day knowing that my daughters were born too early and that my husband and I had to bury them. Now all you can say is “oh well, your out of your period for adding to your policy.” We never thought we would have to add them, because they passed away… is it our fault the bill came 3 months later. It’s like they do this on purpose to avoid having to pay a bill. Ugh! If I had to take my girls to a follow up appt at the doctor, of course I would have added them to my plan, but this… this was VERY UNEXPECTED. I wish that there was some sort of counselor that walks you through this process on “what to expect” or even someone that takes care of these things for moms that have to go through what I have gone through… someone to call the insurance company for you, so you don’t have to add any more stress to this situation, someone that will cancel all of your subscriptions and mailings, someone that can contact your registry and cancel it… someone to do this Horribly hard things that I am still not able to do. You think I want to walk in to Babies R Us and say hey, I need to cancel my registry? Or pull up there page and do it, or call… I don’t want any part of that… it just hurts too much. There is so much more that goes in to the pain than just losing your child or children… it’s like these are constant reminders of what’s no longer there. I mean I cant even walk in a baby section at the store, let alone call and cancel my registry!


As you can tell… I am not having a good day. Let alone month!

Every time I check the mail I get all of these baby coupons and Happy Mother’s Day stuff… and wow, first time mom… that’s like a slap in the face! I just want to scream, yell whatever!

After the girls’ passed away Billy went in to my e-mail and took me off the subscribers list to all of the baby stuff I had subscribed too… but you think that has stopped the e-mails from coming or the mail from pouring in? I wish I could post something on my mailbox that said, “STOP sending me mail in regards to babies, my daughters have passed away.”

Just writing that hurts so bad… “My daughters have passed away…” Seriously? That hurts. It’s pain you could never understand. Pain I wouldn’t want you to understand.

Lately I have been so angry. I get annoyed so easily and just go off. Unfortunately, my husband is the one who has to bear it. Any little thing sets me off… I guess they were right when they said your emotions will be like a roller coaster. I wish there was a way to just burst this pressure that lingers inside my chest. I feel that it just keeps getting tighter and tighter ready to just be released… but how do I release it?
Deep breaths, take deep breaths is what I keep telling myself. And actually it does help a little bit.

Good news Now!- My HR department is AWESOME and has decided that under my circumstances they are still going to allow me to put the girls on my plan, so their medical bills (still seems crazy to me that they have medical bills…) will be covered. Thank Goodness! I just have a few forms to fill out and we will be good to go, well hopefully we will be good to go… keep your fingers crossed!

“May 1 - May 7 is "RECOGNIZING A MOTHER'S STRENGTH AFTER LOSING A CHILD" WEEK. Losing a child is the hardest thing a Mother will ever have to go through in her life.”

"The tiny footprints left behind on your heart bespeak your name as Mother."